Slovenia

"Correction: European map

The map in last week's special report on EU enlargement stupidly muddled up Slovakia and Slovenia."

The Economist, 5 June 2008

Slovenia, like nearby Slovakia and distant Rodney Dangerfield, don't get no respect. When a magazine which regularly covers goings-on in the Gambia can't quite place you on a map, your claims to nationhood are ripe for re-examination. And who better to conduct such a reappraisal than the heroic leaders of the Paulisario Front?

Now, Slovenia can reasonably argue that international ignorance of its existence is a good thing. Its government, unlike many in the region, is admirably free of gangsters and genocidaires and the economy has been chugging along so nicely that it's been able to adopt the Euro and return antiquated farms to nature. "Slovenia getting along nicely" is a pretty "dog bites man" headline, and when the regional competition is "dog murders man's entire race while singing nationalist songs" it's easy to see why Slovenia tends to get bumped from the front page.

Still, it's not all about headlines, and Slovenia's relatively low profile means one is much less likely to attempt the murder of Italian tour groups than in, just to pick a random example, Prague (coming soon!). Given that one is never more than a couple of hours from the nearest border it's a stretch to call Slovenia's open spaces "wide", but what they lack in scale they make up for in their almost ridiculous beauty. Rolling hills, tiny country churches, dappled woodlands and rushing rivers. And, most importantly, acres and acres of sweet, life-giving vines - fuelling the nations unlikely ranking as the world's third biggest consumers of wine.

And every Sunday, what appears to be the entire male Slovenian population lines up along a river to go fishing:














Slovenia's capital, Ljubljana, is the seven-time winner of the international hard-to-spell competition (edging out Antananarivo and Djbouti) and otherwise resembles a famous Eastern European capital (Budapest, Belgrade, Prague, take your pick) that has been shrunk in the wash. It's pretty by day and gorgeous by night - all tastefully lit white marble and tastefully dressed Slovenes getting through their daily allotment of wine, decorated by a winding river and overlooked by a midget castle.

There is some debate as to which of the river's bridges four - cobblers bridge, triple bridge, dragon bridge and the unnamed or "shitty" bridge - is the most appealing, but only among the stupid. Everyone who knows anything about bridge-assessment agrees on dragon bridge's overall superiority, not least because the titular dragons are said to wag their tails when a virgin crosses, an event which is apparently the Slovenian equivalent of a blue moon.












Triple, Dragon and Cobbler's Bridges (not shown, Shitty Bridge).

Rural Slovenia, as befits a nation barely big enough to have a countryside, is very rural indeed. Here is a main street, which even the bus driver looked a bit shamefaced when describing it as the "centre of town":















And here is the next street over:














Still, when one is within striking (and biking) distance of wine cellars cut into the very earth and hot springs made-up to look like how Slovenia imagines the tropics it's hard to complain too loudly.















Overall impressions of Slovenia as tourist destination and would-be nation? Fairytale beauty, solid infrastructure and dinky size make it easy to love, easy to get around but hard to defend as an independent entity. Let's go to the criteria:

The Criteria
(a) Population - Delightful. There's the usual European emphasis on getting drunk early and often, together with friendly advice and quirky tourist attractions. An easy yes.

(b) Territory - As noted, strikingly beautiful and stunningly small. Unless we're considering nationhood for Hyde Park we probably shouldn't give them this one.

(c) Government - Quietly efficient almost to a fault. You can spot the nations whose birth-pang weren't too agonising from their willingness to stick a piece of student sculpture on the front of an office block and make it their parliament.















Their "independence monument" isn't doing them any favours either...















As noted, it seems harsh to penalise them for an absence of scandal, but anyone who's visited a Slovenian nightclub can't help wondering whether it's for want of anything naughty to get up to.

(d) Diplomacy - Well I guess they've got the number of the Economist's correction department, and a notional veto over EU policy. A narrow yes.

(aa) Delicious or hilarious food - Slovenia lies at the point in one's journey North from delicious Turkey to uninspiring Russia where things start to go bad. There's plenty to like, particularly the balkan-style grilled meats near the Croatian border, and nothing as dire as Austria's infamous sausage dumpling soup (which I once ordered on the basis that it must be truly delicious in order to survive in spite of that description), but in general, in Slovenia, we're starting to shade towards the creamy stew and "look, I killed a pig" meat platters.

As for the odd; well after a few wines one is frequently so hungry one could eat a horse, which, as it turns out, is quite a useful skill in a Slovenian restaurant. No, it doesn't taste like chicken.

Then there are the desserts, which range from the Hungarian style "pile of sweet ingredients in the general shape of a cake", which will disappoint you and hasten your death, to the bizarre; ice cream with your choice of pumpkin seed-oil and pumpkin seeds (oddly delicious, really) or mushrooms, which deal a fatal blow to the "sounds bad, must be good" principle. It works about as well as you'd imagine.


























(bb) Fauna - Plenty of cats and dogs, mostly of the cute variety. This dog is happy because he works in a winery, and I can only imagine that I would feel the same way.















Also police horses which have been, delightfully, provided with little woolen ear covers. This must significantly decrease their ability to intimidate. Poor blighters probably ended-up getting eaten.















(cc) National customs - Basketball which, sadly, the local team had lost the night before, leading to an almost empty all-Serbian grand final and a symbolic victory for Milosevic's dream of a greater Yugoslavia. Slovenia did, however provide the half time entertainment, of which the less said the better.

(dd) Around a hundred pounds return to fly, smooth, reasonably-priced train travel to anywhere in the country. A definite yes.

The verdict

Six out of eight and an easy entry into our league of nations for plucky Slovenia. Let's each have a bottle of wine to celebrate!!